Whether or not we agree with items, images or ideas coming from popular culture, no one can deny that these items shape our history, present and future. Every-so-often, one of these popular ideas waxes profound, providing a glimpse into ourselves that couldn’t have been seen via more obscure or less relevant methods. Once the popular culture changes our view, we can never see an object in the same manner.

This brings to mind a video filmed by actress, singer and dancer Jennifer Lopez, “J-Lo” as she popularly is called and her hit song “Jenny from the Block.” Completed during J-Lo’s “Ben Affleck” era, the video shot little vignettes of everyday scenes on a boat, in an apartment, at a restaurant-and showed that depending from which angle the viewer sees a scene, their perception and therefore understanding, is altered forever. What may look scandalous and regretful from one angle, may seem harmless and tender from another. I always appreciated the prophetic suggestion of this video-and upon each viewing, it reminded me of all those things imparted to kids by adults: That things aren’t always as they seem, never judge a book by its cover, always look before you leap

As we age, you’d think these lessons become ingrained. I, for one, constantly need reminders and this week it came from pop culture’s Facebook. Par for the course, just as in J-Lo’s video, this revelation reminded me the importance of perception. The post in question garnered quite a bit of response and commentary from Facebook friends. It read:

“Just saw a guy sitting on a bench in the subway urinate on himself in the seat. I guess he couldn’t or didn’t feel like moving… “

Now before you consider giving me twenty wet-noodle lashes in an irate tirade, consider that I thought carefully about what to say before sending the tweet that ultimately fed to my Facebook page. Thinking I’d painstakingly measured all possible angles: “that’s too raunchy, this one’s too serious, the other doesn’t convey the levity I’d like,” after careful consideration, I concocted a statement that seemed to accurately paint a picture that conveyed my dismay with humor and frivolity. And based on the responses, so also thought many of my Fbfriends-that is until a fellow yoga instructor changed the course of the conversation. In one fell swoop, there was an abrupt stop to the comments, feelings of guilt among some participants and reminder for me: Things aren’t always as they seem.

The original post garnered a stream of responses including “EW,” “ummmm yuck,” and “Wow, how do you do it.” Then came one of a different ilk:

“Funny how life works the images we see. In India it was one scene after another of poverty and joy. I learned a lot from those folks. I prayed for numerous strangers during that time. Sometimes I think that the entire purpose for them is to open our eyes to suffering and the contrast that is…”

A very thoughtful response, written from the heart and one most likely meant to foster understanding and support a different view so we all may spread a bit more love in the world – and one I agree with wholeheartedly.

It also reminded me that no matter how much one tries -not to offend, to be considerate, to expand our sights and be more accepting- we must rely on his or her intention rather others’ perceptions, in order feel good about things done and said. Being cognizant of motives before taking action provides power in knowing that no matter the consequence, we can feel good about words spoken and actions taken.

I say this because from my friend’s remarks, I believe she perceived the person in my comment to be of less means and possibly in a terrible predicament. On the contrary, the subject in fact was a well-to-do college student who’d had a little too much fun with his buddies the previous night, and clearly was paying for it on this day. Though the perceived picture most definitely was one of merit, it certainly wasn’t one intended, as my goal was to convey the shock of seeing in such a blatantly public manner something I consider terribly private.

The lesson here? Things we say or do will not always be construed in the manner we want, no matter how hard we try, while things we see don’t always provide a full picture, so making an effort to understand will always be a better move than rushing to judge. On either end, however, it’s the intent of the thoughts, feelings and actions that allow us to know we’ve left the world in a better place than when we arrived.

Radio Personality Kim Iverson (Courtesy TQ Photo)

Typically we defer to the judgment of experts-doctors, professionals like lawyers and accountants and those considered experts in their fields. But many of those same experts agree that each individual often knows what is best for their own life.

Case in point: Radio personality Kim Iverson. Host of her own syndicated radio show “Your time with Kim,” boasting more than one million listeners, she often discusses personal issues including love – how to get it, how some lose it and how to navigate dating. Iverson herself is considered an expert in the field of love and dating and has been tapped to pen a book as well as star on television. Possessing a trifecta of success – flourishing career, stunning looks and astounding intelligence – many would say Iverson “has it all.” At 30 however, it seems a “clock is ticking.” Not Iverson’s, but her father’s!

Above-average is over-rated

“Well Kimberly, when you go out you don’t have to get all done up – you don’t have to look so good,” her father recently stated. “You don’t need to tell people what you do for a living right away. What you want to be is just be fun and be average.” Though the comment may make some cringe, the intention is pure.

You’d expect a doting dad to want his youngest daughter to be much more than “average.” But this exactly is the problem-Iverson, with beauty, intelligence, drive, ambition and an attitude of confidence and sass-is the contrary of, and has probably never been, average.

“He worries that he’s going to die – he’s going to leave me all alone and I’m not going to have somebody. It’s funny he’s getting desperate. It’s usually the women who get desperate, but my dad’s getting desperate,” she laughed.

Since a young age, Iverson’s mother often made such statements to her:

“You don’t want to be too smart, men don’t like women to be smart – you too smart,” she recited, feigning her mother’s Vietnamese accent. Comments to which Iverson promptly showed defiance complete with rolling of the eyes.

“I’d think, ‘how can she say that to me?’”

But since turning 30 this spring and with plenty of dating prospects but no serious relationships looming in the wings, Iverson better understands her parents’ intentions. “I’m the youngest. The oldest is ten years older than me, and my dad had me at 32 or 33. I don’t anticipate having anything happen in the next couple of years, so I’ll be older than my dad when he had me. My sister could be a grandmother before I’m a mother,” she exclaimed.

Go Along to Get Along

Surprisingly enough, our tough-as-nails heroine, the same one who rolled her eyes at such suggestion as a child, now agrees with the less-than-21st Century commentary she’s been receiving.

“I’ve had a lot of relationships, and the men want to shine and that’s difficult when you’re with me,” she shared. “They seem in the beginning to be very interested in the relationship. I can’t count how many times a man would say I wouldn’t mind a powerful, smart, successful woman, I would embrace that.” But, par for the course, according to Iverson, they often end up feeling emasculated and leaving her broken-hearted. A recent relationship ended when her mate revealed he wanted a domesticated life in suburbia and he didn’t think she fit that picture.

“He left for a girl 180 degrees my opposite, one literally waiting for a man to rescue her. Waiting for her prince charming, to be swept off her feet and be this wife for a man and work on the side,” she conveyed with obvious consternation. “I think he felt very overshadowed after a while, I think he felt emasculated. Next to her, he’s impressive. Next to me, he looked lost.”

Iverson believes men have a natural instinct similar to some women’s desire to conceive, birth and nurture a child. Based on her relationship experiences and the advice of many around her, she’s concluded a man has a genetic drive to be the provider, “king” of his domain. And based on that conclusion, a woman with overreaching drive and success to match, doesn’t necessarily allow that man to shine.

Iverson’s vision of today’s man is someone who believes a woman should be equal. “But the problem is, I believe from my own observation, that there’s something deeply ingrained in a man, in his biology, that makes him want to be the man of the house. But he’ll deny that because it sounds negative. Men don’t feel like it’s okay to be powerful because of our history – it’s something that was suppressive or oppressive to women. Because of it, the men don’t think they can feel like that anymore but they do. That’s something I’ve learned in my 30 years,” she explained.

“This isn’t news, every successful woman in the world will tell you ‘yes, it’s difficult’ because I intimidate the men. Different shapes, sizes, colors, ethnic origins – if we’re all collectively saying among successful women that this is a problem, the men want to say “oh no,” but the truth is this is not true [men's objections] because all the successful women are saying the same thing.”

Daughter Knows Best

Those who agree with her parents and some friends that she should become a little “less than,” in order to attract a mate can keep it to themselves. Even though Iverson agrees the advice is solid, she has no plans to change her essence in the name of love.

Iverson decided to be more realistic about whom she chooses to date, because, in the end, her heart is at stake. “I think I’d be happiest just to slim my pool down,” she said. “What I’m saying is you’re risky as a man, not because I don’t want you, but because you’re ultimately not going to want me. I’ve been brokenhearted enough by men who couldn’t handle my drive, my overwhelming ambition, so instead of playing coy I’m going to wise up and narrow up my pool.

“I get criticized for dating millionaires, but to them I am woman they can feel accomplished next to. Those are the guys still in my life, and the relationship was able to fail because of other things. I’m eliminating the risk and our relationship can flourish and we can fail like everybody else but for reasons that are more normal.”

Iverson doesn’t claim to have the “formula for love,” lest one to avoid broken hearts, but she does believe there are things that can lower risk and elevate success in love. “Our hearts are precious, they are the most valuable things we possess so when we invest our hearts we want to do it with people who will take care of it,” she asserted.

She agrees there would be more options available to her for the small price of playing demure or coy, “It isn’t bad advice. But I probably won’t. Instead, I’ll likely narrow my dating pool to men who are even more ambitious and driven than I am,” she announced.

“That being said, I don’t judge men for needing to feel masculine, and I definitely don’t judge a woman for choosing to help him feel that way. It’s up to her to determine what will create the most happiness in her life. She’s not giving up her liberation or power, the real power lies in the fact that we as women have that choice.

And that, my friends, is expert advice.

Generations of special moments: Anderson with her mom and daughters. (Photo courtesy of Kemberli Anderson)

Holidays like Mother’s Day often entice us to remember big events – mom’s help at your wedding, being there at the birth of children, pride and joy at graduation – I’d argue however it’s the precious little moments that leave us with indelible impressions of love. Yes, we need and want support at those all important life events, but don’t rule out the importance of day-to-day as mom’s everyday actions help create who we eventually become.

Keeping Connected

Kemberli Barkley Anderson of Aurora makes the most of those moments, carving out special ways to keep a strong bond with her two daughters-high school senior Lauren, and newlywed Cheryl, who lives in California. “Sunday is our day,” she said, speaking of Lauren. “We do breakfast, lunch, dinner together, then we have programs we watch together – Funniest Home Videos, Extreme Home Makeover ”

Since her older daughter doesn’t live close by, technology is a mainstay for daily communication. “We keep in touch with a lot of text messaging. We take pictures of ourselves all the time with a message- ‘good morning sunshine! How are you? Have a good day.’ It’s the easiest way when you’ve got all this distance between you.”

From cell phones to Facebook, technology helps Anderson keep connected as a mom-making those small moments even more cherished as her daughters grow older and form lives of their own.

Expect the Unexpected

An unexpected observance helped Castle Pines resident Brooke Martellaro truly cherish the beauty of her mother-daughter relationship.

“The relationship with my mom was pretty tenuous for most of my life, and in the recent past it was tentative-up and down, off and on.” That all changed when they took a month-long Mediterranean cruise together around Mother’s Day a couple of years ago. Having previously visited many of the locales: Monte Carlo, Venice, Athens, Istanbul and more; Martellaro soaked in the wonder and joy her mom experienced as a first timer to each destination. “It was the first time we ever really traveled together, the two of us, and the first time she’d ever really been to Europe. It was a really fun trip for me because I really got to see the world through her eyes.”

Cruise patrons included many travelers in their golden years, and Martellaro often heard tales of assorted aches, pains, fatigue and all-too-frequent falls. “It was really kind of an eye opening experience for me to see my mom in a different light,” she said. “I really had always thought you were a major klutz,” Martellaro revealed to her mom, ” But she said, ‘see, it’s not just me!’” This led to one of Martellaro’s most touching recollections from the trip: “In Barcelona, there was a group of school kids walking up the sidewalk when she [my mom] misstepped and fell,” she remembered. The kids gathered around Martellaro’s mother, helping her up and doted with loving attention. “It was really touching to see this group of children having concern for my mom.”

The trip helped the two women create a much stronger bond than they ever enjoyed previously. “I felt closer to her than I ever felt, and it was sad to see her leave from my house. I spent a month with her and she was part of my daily life. We had a couple of bumps and once we worked them out, it was fun. It’s made our relationship a lot lighter and we can have fun and enjoy each other’s company more than we ever could before,” Martellaro beamed.

Humorous Recollections

From technology to travel, it seems the little moments with mom can have major impact. Along those same lines, Eric Nelson of Aurora had a humorous take on the little moments that last a lifetime. Here’s his take on the beauty of mom:

My mother taught me about:

LOGIC – “Because I said so, that’s why.”

RELIGION – “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

TIME TRAVEL – “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!

FORESIGHT – “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

IRONY – “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

CONTORTIONISM- “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

WEATHER- “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

ANTICIPATION – “Just wait until we get home.”

RECEIVING – “You are going to get it when you get home!”

Through all the teachings, however, the greatest gift from Nelson’s mom is LOVE.